I chose to.

The reason is I don't want anyone to find out.

That's why I'm always distancing everyone.

I don't want them to see the awk me.

Good first impression.

But it won't ever last.

The ominous wind on 23rd April.

The lightning volts on 2 May.


Scary shit.
Guess time's running out.

Oh the dream is still there baby! :)

Does the ignorance hurt you?

I really love you with all my heart,seconds before you announce our break-up.
For you to end our relationship abruptly,it left a big hole in my heart and in my soul.
I still remember that day.
It was the first time I was late for work.
My mind was buzzing and my heart hit rock bottom.
I was lost and confused.


That's when I came to a conclusion to the initial reaction.
And I stood with my conclusion till now.


I don't care if you are now a model or shit,I don't want to see your face ever again.
Don't get me wrong.
What I did is for the best for both of us.
I just want to erase that part of history when we are together.
Totally forgotten in a part of my life.
There's virtually no experience I gain seriously.
It's like a wasted confluence of time,effort,emotions and feelings


And if we were to ever cross path again, treat me as a normal bystander.
Don't harbour any ill-feelings please.
Just ignore me.

But then again.
Who knows?
If by fate, we cross path unexpectedly and need each other in completing a task.
Maybe we'll be friends again.


But for now.
Sorry yaney, I'm gonna totally wipe the memory of you.
Take care and please don't worry about me.
I promise I'll be strong alrite? :D


.
..
bye

To equate the capacity of the human mindset, one have to consider the experience's and jargon's of one's personal well being and the state of their mindset. Something that stand out in the mind will be consider desirable even though it's tacky to most but for some weird reason the eagerness and acceptance of opening up to that tacky individual is more likely than opening up to a sensible and safe person who wishes to avoid any weirdness in their life or appearance. So in a way all those tacky or weird individuals get all the thing that is desired by most normal man or what we call AFCs. (Average Frustrated Chimps). Chimps in detonating that we ourselves evolve from one. Average as in everyone of us and frustrated in not getting that thing that tacky individuals always get. So to get hitched, one should be like a black, wear bling-bling or really accessorize something that is tacky,stupid which stand out from the rest. Even stupid love sunglasses or afros that look like bush. For some weird reason unknown even to scientist, the opposite sex will be magnetted to these weirdos no matter how ugly they look and thus a union is start where one see so many douchebags out there who look weird with a stunning partner.



I'll bet you guys don't get it.

A stranger stabs you in the front;
a friend stabs you in the back;
a girlfriend stabs you in the heart,
but best friends only poke each other with straws.





I admit.
I really sucks at maintaining friends.
It's just that my life is filled with so many cocktail friends.
These cocktail friends assume I have an active social life.


But in reality I don't.
In reality, due to my childhood,I find it hard to trust anyone.
I always expect people to stab me in the back or say bad things about me.



Other than that,I love to be a low profile or ignorant kind of person...which I can't put others to think that way.Even according to one of my close friend, there's something about me that people just cannot ignore. There's something about me that people either love or hate.



Oh well.
Better put this something to good use. :)

Despite being an old song, I'm like so addicted to The Killer's "Jenny was a friend of mine.
Gosh,I'm such a sucker to passionate emotional kickass rock song which actually have a nice melody vibe to it.



Anyway.
Hibiscus tea mission.
Succeed! ^__^

Next up.
Dr Pepper!

What doesn't kill you,


will in the end,


in a slow and painful manner,


kill you one day.

It suddenly occur to me that I talk about sex way too much with my friends.
The truth is I'm really not into sex anyway.

I mean you ever heard of guys faking orgasm?
Or rejecting sex request from gorgeous girls that throw them into much confusion about their sense of well-being and that they think they are not that hot enough.

Oh what the heck.
Despite the fact that I'm good at it ,I get bored too easily though.
And yeah I sucks at maintaining friendship.
Touch n go. bye.


Okay different topic.

To those girls who perform one-night stand with a mysterious stranger.
And from my personal experience...
Yeah,it's always the same guy who get it.

Funny how handsome that dude is, it's hard for the dude to get laid.
But compare to an ugly cretin who's good at sweet-talking and have loads of charisma, they can get all the chicks they wanted.


I mean GIRLS?
Are you girls BLIND?


Why'd have sex with that "sincere"(he slept with you,obviously he's not) sweet talking douchebag who look like Tim Curry and have slept with 999 women(probably have STDs) rather than the innocent good looking chap who's probably a virgin but wanted to get laid but don't know how to.

And enough of the jargon - "I don't want a handsome boyfriend because he will probably cheat on me....or he will leave me for someone else."

Because the truth is, even your ugly boyfriend cheated on you.
And even your ugly boyfriend will leave you for someone else one day.


And... to those who don't and really have a sense of dignity.
Yea you're the beacon of hope for man's morality in this day and age.

" Abang, where's my MP4?"

" Abang, where's my MP4?"


I literally laugh so hard when Faruq empahise on the four.


Wow, the world is changing eh.
No more MP3... it's either apple or MP4.

Talking of apple.
Apparently,I'm a "friend" of the wife of the one who's in charge of Apple in the whole of Asia.
Yea, her husband is the no 1 man in Apple products distribution in the whole of Asia.

If only she can read my mind...

Yea, and for someone her age, she's HOT.(milf)

But nah, I'd rather have the iPhone. :)

wow

The post below is probably the most grammatical error post ever done by me.

Ouh I was a grammer-nazi 3 years ago,long what've become. :(

& I thought I was dead.

I had this dream which felt so surreal and emotional that I'm at lost of what words to describe it.


Ok basically I had this dream of being killed by machine guns(?) from the top,it went through the ceiling and the bullets hit my brains.

How the heck the bullets pierced through the walls from the comfort of my home eludes me(?). I was imaginating they were using this special sort of bullet that can pierce through everything in it's path, like when you hit it from the top it'll go all the way to the earth's core. (idea mr scientist?)

So I felt this cooling sensation on my head and quickly assume I'm dead. Well I never go to check it and wouldn't dare to but I automatically think I'm dead.. (?)

Then suddenly, a cocktail childhood friend of mine, Kim(?)(of all people) appear and cover my eyes. Then I began exchanging last words with him and telling him about life and that i'm not gay.(?????)

In a dragonball or bleach kind of way,I was slowly materialising away from the real world and into the ground where there are lots of people waiting for their judgement. Apparently all are malay and are wearing baju kurung(?????) So I met this pakcik beside me and we began talking. He told me that guy beside him is from the middle ages.(?)

Not counting how long I waited suddenly one of my uncle, Raz, (?)appear and began to go beside me.I ask him whether it's already world war III. He reply he die in a car crash.(?)

Moments later I went down to my knees and started crying when I assume I am going to hell. Am I?

In a way.
This dream makes me realise one should cherish life the way it is.

You are the BIGGEST CUNT in the whole goddamn universe.





YES YOU!



On a lighter note.
I think i'm gonna change my image.
The fuck that image. (",)

fine ,mmm ....inexorable~!

I wonder if she's reading this.



If you are.
mmm...





























Let's go for lunch someday and talk things out.
I really miss you! ^__^


Or maybe.
I should forget about you forever and ever and imagine you don't exist at all.

Now,now...

What's worse than being called dumb blond by a hot angmoh model.

It's been 8 months.

Baby,it's been 8 months.

...baby?

First cut is the deepest.

It started out as something I wish to experiment on.

I was very fat during my high school days and really lack any confidence to speak to any girls.
I felt inferior and could not care less what is in store for life in me.


Honestly I really had forgetten the things that happen back then.
I really can't recall.
Maybe I can,but I wish to forget.

Of course.
Things change.

Fast forward.

.
nevermind.

So love can wait...maybe I just don't want to...

And before I start my long rant I wanna wish HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the one & only Fadzil. :)
Thanks for being with me through thick and thin eh bud?
Hope you have an enjoyable birthday outing with your girl.


So Valentine's Day in 2 days time.
Not that I care of but wtf
So i was reading some stupid horoscope about me when i realise something...

Virgo Guy in relationship - " A virgo guy can bring any girls to his knees,but due to his prudence and critical nature, he chose not to.Maybe it's their high expectations or maybe it's the fact they're scared of rejection, a virgoan is one of those rare creatures that don't mind being single for the rest of their life."


In my whole goddamn life, a girl never ever say no or rejected me when I ask them for something. Whether it's number or something else, I wonder why I never got rejected.
They keep on giving in.

So I got a hot girl number,what did I do with it?
Nothing.

Why did I do nothing?
She's clearly interested with me.
She send me sms.
She talk to me earnestly whenever we met.
But what did I do?
Nothing.
I treated her like a plank of wood the way I treated most other girls.
(Sometime this is killing me.)

Damnit, I just don't know why.
Of course I wanna start a relationship.
I want someone to love.
I want someone whom I can dote with.
I want someone whom I can pamper with.
I want someone whom I can share stories with.

But the truth is.
I'm scared.

And that's why the only girl whom i ever approach with to be my girlfriend.
Is my one and only ex.

Fat Burner

Yesterday I treat my parents to this restaurant called The Line at Shangri La.
It was seafood night and my dad gobble up god knows how many lobsters.
My mum meanwhile gorge down on oysters and sushi.

The food there was excellent but it was crowded at that time still it's the food that matters. :P





And guess what I bought today?



105 buck
Fat burner of the year for 4 years straight.

Better work!

The Grammys Prediction Post.

Record of the Year

• "Chasing Pavements" – Adele
• "Viva la Vida" – Coldplay
• "Bleeding Love" – Leona Lewis
• "Paper Planes" – M.I.A.
• "Please Read the Letter" – Robert Plant and Alison Krauss

Who will win: Viva La Vida - Coldplay
Who I hope will win: Viva La Vida - Coldplay
Underdog that could win: Please Read the Letter - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss


Between you and me,I still think the album of the year is a more prestigious award than the record of the year. There is really not much of a fine difference between this and song of the year. Just by looking at the nomination,I guess it's gonna be coldplay's because they won't win album of the year,trust me.
Interesting tidbits - M.I.A only receive one nomination throughout the award and who would have guess, best record of the year. A first time in history I guess.

Album of the Year

• Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends – Coldplay
• Tha Carter III – Lil Wayne
• Year of the Gentleman – Ne-Yo
• Raising Sand – Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
• In Rainbows – Radiohead

Who will win: In-Rainbows - Radiohead
Who I hope will win: In-Rainbows - Radiohead
Underdog that could win : Tha Carter III - Lil Wayne


I know most of you were pondering..."shouldn't it be lil wayne will win and radiohead the underdog that could win."...
Well I'm psychic and trust me, Radiohead got this one all in the bag. The fact that the band who hate the grammys will perform there later and the fact that some of my friends claim this album is better than OK Computer (regarded as the greatest album of all time by most junkies) really pave way for them to win this one.

Ne-yo's Year of Gentlemen is a surprise inclusion whereas Robert & Krauss's album is more of grammy-material type. Could cause a major upset too. Since I don't think Ne-Yo will win this one,I guess Lil Wayne's could be the underdog. And honestly I love Lil Wayne's album.
Coldplay's album although not one of their best in my opinion, itself is good enough for a grammy. Then again,between Coldplay and Radiohead...there's not much to see here.


Interesting tidbits :Just google and look at all the top 10/top100 album of 2007/2008 articles in the internet. Will even cement furthur my choices of who will win album of the year award.

Song of the Year

• "American Boy" – Estelle featuring Kanye West
• "Chasing Pavements" – Adele
• "I'm Yours" – Jason Mraz
• "Love Song" - Sara Bareilles
• "Viva la Vida" – Coldplay

Who will win: American Boy - Estelle feat Kanye West
Who I hope will win: I'm yours - Jason Mraz
Underdog that could win : Chasing Pavements - Adele


A very tough choice.I still don't get it why adele's chasing pavement is ahead of Estelle's American Boy in the record of the year category. Estelle's American Boy is surprisingly one of the best songs of 2008. But then again,I have a weak spot for Jason Mraz, so as a fanboy, I'm hoping he will win this one. Well Coldplay won't win this one cause they are gonna win the record of the year anyway. And the fact that the other songs are better songs than theirs.

The start of a new era.

So I spend the whole morning and afternoon in front of the desktop computer.
I'm like totally addicted to fallout 3 and football manager 2009.
I mean seriously these two games kick so much ass.
And even better still,it's free. :p

Went out with Faizal in the evening.
Talk bout the past.
Talk bout the girls.
Girls.Girls.Girls. That's the topic of the day.

Reminiscing the past skirt-chasing days during our time at mezza9.
How the two of us would do the impossible that no any average Joe could do by grabbing the "hottest chicks" everywhere from McDonalds(lolx) to disco to our workplace. This Faizal is basically one of the greatest PUA in Singapore. He thought me a LOT of stuffs about the trade of life and stuffs.

Well,according to him, the key ingredient of getting into a girl's heart is...
Nevermind.
I say guts. ( which is not what I intended to put earlier...)

Well apart from that, we talk about making money, starting a business , met a crazy guy at Mac and free nuggets and fries. (long story)

Yeah,back about girls...
Sometime,or rather most of the time, my anxiety kills me from inside.
Especially if you're in a group and not feel close to anyone around you.

Oh well.
At least I got the honour of never get rejected by a girl before in my whole life.
Because the only girl I ever approach is.
My one and only ex.

Why it's great to be a guy. :P

Why?





Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Nite Football.
You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
Your toilet lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give you crap if you've gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You understand why Con-Air is funny.
You can go to the toilet with out a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticised, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humour in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
You never have to clean the toilet.
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
The National College Cheerleading Championship.
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
You get to think about sex 98% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
Foreplay is optional.
Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
You can watch a game in silence with your mate for hours without even thinking "He must be mad at me".
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near you pubic area.
One mood, all the time.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too sleazy.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Same work....more pay.
Grey hair and lines add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding Dress $3000; Tuxedo rental $100.
You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
With 400 million sperm per go, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, in theory.
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
ESPN's Sports Center.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
Bachelor parties kick ass over bridal showers.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the toilet.
If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends "you've changed".
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
There is always a game on somewhere.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because your not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
If something mechanical didn't work, you can smash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So... notice anything different?"
Baywatch
You can rationalise any behaviour with the handy phrase "F##k it!"

Butterfly effect.

*X-posted at my facebook account.*



I'm in the age of life where I couldn't careless what people my age care about.
I had enough of piety talks or gossips that go nowhere.
I couldn't care less in having aimless relationship that exhaust both parties mentally.
I couldn't care less about criticizing/backstabbing others.


Honestly I don't give a damn what others talk about me.
Yea I'm a snob,but that doesn't mean I hate you or anything.
Because you know why?
Firstly I don't talk what all your language.(love.sex.gossip.

relationship.clubbing.nightlife.shit)
And yes I'm forced to.
That's why I love to talk with those beyond my peers about world events,politics,advancement in science,stock market,trading exchange.etc)
And secondly,my mind right now is in another stage.


I'm thinking about the world right now.
Humanity is suffering everywhere.
Innocent children who know shit about politics being sacrifice without no cause.
Peoples dying of HUNGER in some african country.
Die of hunger.
I mean seriously die of hunger?
We throw out food for heaven's sake.


Weird.
But something tells me some weird thing will happen in the next few years.
Something really RAD that no one can even think of.

And.
I really fear for Obama's life.
Anyone could shoot him anytime.
Everyone in the US own a gun.

Bored of life and wanna commit suicide?
Why not put your name in history.
Take a gun and while he's waving at the peoples.poof.point blank.

If a white catholic president can get assassinated...
Why not a black?
The chances are higher by 100 folds I think.

I really respect Obama in wanting to change the world.
And I really respect him MORE for putting his life at risk.
Not at risk.
His name will go down in history as the first black president in US history.
His legacy will maybe/maybe not cement him as one of the greatest US president ever.up there with Lincoln

But let's all not hope and talk logic here.
The question is how long.
Till he will get assassinated.
I pray and hope not,but the world works in a cruel and unforgiving way.

He just sacrifice his life for his own people.
And for humanity as a whole.

A single entity who sacrifice himself to change the world.

The world need to stop all those stupid shitless war.
We all need to work together to be as one.
What the world need now is more love,trust and compassion.

Right now,humanity is facing in another different direction.
Which is sadly, the opposite of the righteous way.
A direction,that is the opposite of what our religionsl taught us.
Completely opposite.


...
Oh what the heck.
It suddenly occur to me that I got no idea what the fuck I just type.
Anyway,doubt anyone read this shit anyway.

January 21 2009

I GOT A NEW COMPUTER! ^___^


Let me list down the games I'm gonna mmm play!


Fallout 3
FM 2009
Sins of Solar Empire
Mass Effect
GTA 4!!!
Command And Conquer 3

Sentosa

So,I went to Sentosa last night for some sort of events\games day thingie.

Fun,until lunchtime when we realize that there weren't any lunch organized for us and everyone goes mad.Seriously,mad. My mind went totally blank in the afternoon.

Luckily there's a chalet catered for us and a swimming pool! I just jump into the pool not caring any restrictions. Just shut my brain out and swam aimlessly in the pool.Stay in the pool right till the night until the caretaker ask me to go up cause I'm wearing a shirt. The dignity of having a fatty belly force me to either go topless or not. I chose the latter. For some weird reason I kept thinking about my ex throughout the night. The night sky,the stars,the swimming pool,...it just screams marianie inside my head.

Then an old friend of my call - of all time in the world,at that time.
In a way it save me.heh. There, we talk all the way,not caring about the rest. At that time,it suddenly occur to me that I was one of the last one left in my PVR batch. Faizal,Azlan,Rina,Jub,Kazim,Ain...wow can't belief I was the last one. We talk for quite a long time until he told me his wife is asking him to put down the phone.

Still feeling bored, I took out the book I bought earlier and read it with my handphone torchlight on. Damn it,like old times.

Well then, somebody accuse me of doing something that I swear I didn't think I do or even have the abhor thought of it seriously. I was just in my own world thinking about some personal matter- distancing myself from the rest. My mind was elsewhere. Maybe I'm thinking too much at that time,but who cares anyway.

So I stay overnight there with Yat and Fly.
Smal hut,but for 32 bucks per night,I guess it's quite a catch.
We went prowling the beaches late at night talking about stuffs,careers and all.
Sit by the beach,under the stars,drinking beer. Gosh when the last time I did this.

Fly's right.So much about wanting to stay single for a long time.
Life tend to get lonely when there's no one to confide with.

It's funny when you get attached, peoples tend to flirt with a lot of girls.
But once we are single, it's tend to be hard to even talk to one.
You get the girl's number, but just don't feel or care about what to do next.

15th January 2009

A day I just felt like crying.

No reason nothing,just felt like it.
I never in my life felt so trapped like this.
Trapped in my own thoughts.
In my own medium.
In my own universe.

I just felt lost.

No direction.Nothing.
No music could entice me this time.
Maybe I've been lonely for quite a long time.

Damn it.
An emo post.
Never saw it coming.never

Joe.

I'm sick and tired of being this.


Guess what.
I'm gonna create an alter-ego.
And it end with the one who prophesied that the world gonna end in 2012.

Losing weight.

To lose weight is to have more output of calories per day than it's input.

Yesterday,I went for a 45 minutes jog three times. ( since it was my offday and basically the fact that I really got no social life.) First when I wake up at 9am,the other one at 2pm ( 3 hours after my "brunch"- I had fried noodlesx x_x) and before I slept at 10pm.




Problem counting calories....
( My stupid question mark key is spoilt so i sub the question mark with ....)



580 calories
Mee Siam it's counterpart meanwhile pack 30 less calories.



800 calories
The most calories-clogged local food.
Just look at the oil and carbo...urgh.
I had a LOT of these yesterday. :(



120 calories (each)
Not including gravy.
But not bad at all calories-wise actually.



700 calories
This is a chicken rice. ^^
Hard to find a decent picture.
Stupid flickr.



750 calories ( chicken)
600 calories (fish)

Nowadays everyone eat nasi lemak with chicken.
Try to skip the ikan bilis & fried beans with more cucumber.
I mean seriously these two really spoilt the nasi lemak taste overall.

I am really gonna be a millionaire before I reach 30

No seriously,don't laugh.


Which mean there will be lots of things I have to sacrifice.

Like sheep
pig
cow
goat
dugong
Llama(s)
Kung! Bushmen

I hope by sacrificing all those mention above, God will make me a millionaire.

And my New Year's Resolution is....

...to get laid with as many hot babes as I can.

....or find a decent hot busty sexy loyal girlfriend.

...better still,find a hot busty sexy sugar mummy!!! < -- No 1 priority.!!!

New Years Resolution is all bull*#$* anyway.


Anyway,yea and let's all practice safe sex k. :)

Well son of moto

It's January already.!

Gosh,look like I'll be back to blogging. :)